The Kindness Gazette · Classified Section
CLASSIFIEDS
Newspaper of Record for the Kindness Civilization · Est. 11,000 BC
Vol. MMXXVI · No. 1
Help Wanted · Misc. · Notices
Price: One Act of Kindness
A notice from the Foundation
We think this is groundbreaking. We are digging with a shovel and a half.
AOK World wants to be out noticing: every neighborhood, every food shelf, every fire station, every quiet person holding a street together. Right now that is one man in a yellow cape, a couple of Kindness Guards, and Gloria, whom no one has met.
The Council of Nine has eight members. The ninth seat is open. Every district needs hands. Grab a shovel.
Quite honestly, Gloria can't run the civilization on her own.
★ Media outlets wanted: help us take notice ★
Help Wanted
★ Now Hiring Volunteers ★
All positions compensated exclusively in kindness currency (Sparks, Flames & Blazes). No salary. No benefits. No exceptions. Glory, however, is unlimited.
Media Partners · Newspapers, Radio, TV, Podcasts
Pay: the front page, forever
The civilization has the stories: firefighters, caregivers, mentors, neighbors, all noticed and none of them signed. You have the readers. Partner with the Kindness Gazette to run the good news nobody else is covering. We bring the acts, the photos and a man in a cape. You bring the audience. Nobody sells anything.
Inquire: keeper@aokworld.net
Member, Council of Nine (Ninth Seat)
Pay: one chair, long kept empty
Eight working citizens read every tablet the archaeologists recover. The ninth chair has been saved for the voice the civilization has not found yet. AOK Man has applied several times. The search continues. Is it you?
Inquire w/ the Foundation.
AOK Man Production Crew
Pay: 1–3 Sparks / shoot
Step onto the set. Lights. Camera. Cape. You will operate at the white-hot center of the most important production in the Twin Cities, a major motion presence in a maroon cape. Craft services provided (one granola bar, lovingly). Your name in the credits, blazing, possibly misspelled. People will ask where you were. You were here.
Inquire w/ Gloria's assistant.
Publicist to the Stars
Pay: 2 Flames / mo.
Hold the reputation of a masked legend in your two hands. Spin gold. Field the press (there is no press, yet). One day the phone rings and it is everything, and you, only you, will know what to say. Glamorous. Mysterious. The most powerful person no one has heard of.
Inquire w/ Gloria's assistant.
Gazette Reporter · Kindness Beat
Pay: 1 Spark / story
Trench coat. Stakeout. Anonymous source in a parking ramp at midnight. You chase kindness across the city and you get the story. Acts, never names. Pulitzer committee unaware, but we believe in you. Deadline: the instant kindness strikes.
Inquire w/ the Gazette desk.
Kindness Guard
Pay: 20 Sparks hiring incentive
The most elite silent force on earth. Dressed in black. Sunglasses. You say nothing and command everything. You protect the kindness, not the person, and you answer to a higher law. Rooms go quiet when you enter. Benefits to be announced. Recruitment slowed somewhat by the Spark exchange rate.
Call 1-844-KIND-111 and select Kindness Guards. Someone will listen.
Nugget Tracker
Pay: 2 Sparks / sighting
An elite surveillance role. Your subject: Nugget, the cat behind the cape, cover model of Cat Fancy, the most photographed feline in the civilization. Treats. Patience. Glory. You will know the cat's secrets. The cat will know nothing of you.
Inquire w/ Gloria's assistant.
Assistant to the Archaeologist
Pay: 1 Spark / dig
Stand beside Dr. Voss at the edge of history. Brush eleven-thousand-year-old dust from a tablet no living hand has touched. No vault experience required; we'll train. Try, please, not to release anything. Hazard: overwhelming wonder.
Inquire w/ the Foundation.
Cookbook Editor
Pay: 1 Blaze (one-time)
The most prestigious editorial chair in publishing. The Council of Nine argues; you make it readable. One essay a month, every one ending in something to go and do. Brief. Immortal. Unimprovable, but try.
Inquire w/ Gloria's assistant.
Kindness Party Planner
Pay: 3 Sparks / event
Throw the event of the season, every season. Command AOK Man and the Guards for live appearances. The room erupts. The photos are legendary. Balloons optional. Standing ovations included.
Inquire w/ Gloria's assistant.
AOK World Fundraiser
Pay: commission, in Sparks
The closer the civilization has waited eleven thousand years for. Galas (in a strip mall, but electric). You will raise the Sparks that keep the light on for everyone. Bring the instinct; we'll bring the cause.
Inquire w/ the Foundation.
Gloria's Office · Administrative Aide
Pay: 1 Spark / hr
The right hand to the most powerful woman in the civilization: Gloria, who runs everything and is never seen. The eternal calendar. The phones. You will never meet Gloria. No one meets Gloria. But the whole world turns on your desk.
Inquire w/ Gloria's assistant.
Website Developer
Pay: 2 Sparks / build
Architect of the digital civilization. Every soul who finds us arrives through something you built. Eleven thousand years of kindness, finally online, and the keyboard is yours.
Inquire w/ Gloria's assistant.
The Keeper
Pay: 3 Blazes (sacred)
The most trusted post in the civilization. You receive what enrolling souls pour out (their visions, their stories, their kindness) and you shape it into something that lasts. Few are called. Fewer answer. History runs through your inbox.
Inquire: keeper@aokworld.net
Voicemail Retriever
Pay: 1 Spark / message
The voice on the other end of 1-844-KIND-111. You will retrieve the messages no one else can reach, return calls as "Gloria's assistant," and hold the lifeline of an entire civilization to your ear. Every beep, a destiny.
Inquire w/ Gloria's assistant.
Social Media Specialist
Pay: 1 Spark / post
Make eleven thousand years of kindness go viral. The feed is yours. Real photos, real places, one yellow cape. You will turn acts of kindness into the only thing anyone wants to share. Legend: pending your first post.
Inquire w/ Gloria's assistant.
For sale: one slightly used cape.
Maroon, religious symbols, billows nicely. Wearer moved on to bigger things (he says). Best offer in Sparks.
Lost: enthusiasm for doing nothing.
Last seen before I read the tablets. If found, please return. Actually, keep it. I'm volunteering now.
Wanted: someone to out-kind AOK Man.
Reward: 1 Blaze. Good luck. He's been at this eleven thousand years. See aokmankind.com.
Reality.
We cannot multiply anonymous acts of kindness without your help. Behind all the glamour above: a man in formal yellow, a couple of Kindness Guards, Gloria (whom no one has met), and one summer intern.
The Foundation holds the vision. You are AOK in Action.
That is the whole civilization, so far. The rest is supposed to be you.
To Inquire About Any Position
Tell us where you'd like to help, and Gloria's assistant will be in touch. All roles are volunteer. All pay is kindness. All are welcome.
Raise Your Hand →
Notice: "Now Hiring Volunteers" is a contradiction, and we know it. You cannot be hired to volunteer. You can only be welcomed. Positions, pay, and glamour are real in spirit, generous in description, and compensated entirely in kindness. The cat is also real.